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First Previous Next Last Contents Intro
Teachers
The Standup

This is the teacher who really wanted to be a stand-up comedian but could not manage to fake a strong regional accent. So they drifted into teaching, and found that a classroom containing a captive audience is a useful arena in which to perform. The Standup spends hours in front of the mirror each night perfecting impressions of well known figures of the time. Then in the history lesson we might get the following:

"And so the Battle of Hastings took place, when, Mortimer? .... That's right, 1066. Now can you imagine what it would have been like if John Major had been in power at the time? 'We will not go into battle until I am absolutely sure that the time is right. We are insisting on certain pre-conditions, and I know that this is the wish of the majority of British people', and John Cole would report it like this [standard Irish accent, not much like John Cole] 'Well this has been a major blow for the Conservatives ....

The poor pupil victims would actually like to know a bit more about the battle, but are unlikely to get any further until the Standup has finished off with a cheery rendition of 'Some of My Best Friends are Songs'.