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Book: Plastic Viking Helmets
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Virtual Adam
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The Keepfitter
"Exercise is the name of the game. This year I will become fitter, it will allow me to run for the bus and it will improve my mental as well as physical well being." Does this sound familiar? Most of us have done this one. Of course the first priority, the absolute essential, can't possibly be without it for the Keepfitter, is a new tracksuit. There is nothing more embarrassing than running around the block and your neighbours seeing you in your old school shorts, a T-shirt also used for house-painting and accordingly splattered with white emulsion, and some brown day-wear socks. And so, dressed in the new track-suit, wearing new running shoes ("Goodness, I'd no idea they were so expensive, won't ordinary trainers do?") off sets the enthusiastic but ill-prepared Keepfitter. One hundred yards later, the Keepfitter collapses into a gasping, groaning 'Z' shape which has to limp back to the house vowing never to exercise again. The track suit eventually gets used for house-painting and becomes splattered with white emulsion.